I didn’t post a day 6, so I thought today was Day 6, when it’s actually a Week! I lasted my first week. I lost 6 pounds this week but it fluctuated due to that horrible flu I had, and I’m back up 2 pounds so roughly 4 pounds down from my first week. Let’s start off with the fact I’m no longer waking up famished. I am hungry, but normal. Normal enough for me to skip breakfast this morning and head to the gym. Also, my mom ate my meal prep foods. I was Angry but then got over it.
Let’s Get into the Personal Stuff
As you know, this journey isn’t just about losing weight and eating well. It’s about me documenting for my own mental health, and being as transparent with myself and you, as possible. So, with that being said, the little demon came back last night. Full form. I was on social media (I know 🙄) and saw something I shouldn’t have/was not ready to see, and I cried. I cried cause I thought I was ugly, I cried because I felt like I put my all into someone that was busy caring about someone else (even though they lied and said they weren’t, but I’m always right) and I cried myself to sleep. Now this might sound terrible but I’m about to start ovulating so my hormones are wild. Usually days before I ovulate, I get so depressed. Even when I’m not to be honest, I usually think bad thoughts about myself 10-15 times a day. I usually wake up crying or refuse to leave the bed every single day.
I force myself to get up, every single day.
One time, in a weeks span, while my hormones are raging, I cried. One time. I lowkey want to dance while I’m writing this. This is the greatest I’ve felt in a long time. Since before my Dad died. I haven’t felt this even tempered and clear headed in so long.
Then, I am a workout machine. My body is not so sore after a hard workout anymore (and I’m doing more). I feel energized for an entire day, I no longer need a nap. I choreographed a dance tonight! Dancing used to be my passion but gaining weight, I no longer felt comfortable doing it, and it was just difficult. I’ve been feeling more creative and I’ve been able to think so clearly about why I have certain issues and what I Do to contribute to that. I’m realizing so many things that I allow people do to/ the people who I allow in my life are direct reflections of me disliking myself. Idk. Also stair masters are the devil.
Now to FOOD
Ok so yes, I made tacos/fajitas again, but these are heavy in fibre, B vitamins, and iron. They are different from the other tacos lol. Also I was craving beans (I know... craving beans? Weird smh) so I blended eggplant, chickpeas, pinto beans and black beans and jalapeños to make these refried beans. They were delicious. I still have my eggplant Salsa, and I sautéed white mushrooms, red onions, gArlic and bell peppers. Then I finely diced eggplants in that bad boy as well. Of course I have seitan but the beans and fajita peppers were the stars that I gobbled up. Also fresh guac, which is my thing. And my mint green tea. These tortillas are flour and whole grain mix. All in all, it was delicious. I let my mom have some (she would have stole it anyway so I might as well have some control) and she loved it.
My calorie intake today was super low. I just wasn’t hungry. I’ve been getting less and less hungry idk why. I only ingested about 1100-1500 calories today and I will def do better tomorrow but it’s like I’m tired of stuffing my face. Everything was so filling. Feel free to educate me if you know why I’m not as hungry 🙁